So where to start. For those of you new to this term - and trust me I was until a few days ago - a side chick is a girlfriend you have on the side of your partner. A mistress if you will. Someone you used to have fun with and string along with words such as "I want to leave my wife but I just can't right now" or "I love you, and one day I will leave her for you". Now at some point in most of your lives, you will encounter a cheater. It may be your partner or even a friends, but we all know the sort and avoid them like the plague, although no matter what we do - we still run into them and of course fall completely in love before they have even said a word, only to be bitterly disappointed later in life. Now we have the definition sorted, let me tell you what spurred this blog post to begin with. A few days ago Trisha Paytas uploaded a video about her long term boyfriend, and movie star Roger Bart, stating that he was a cheater as she found herself caught in the side chick web after two and a half years. Now of course, this video has spurred such controversy and manic discussions in the comment section of YouTube (As always!) and has led both Trisha and Roger to be bombarded with questions, comments and harassment. Now I'm not here to agree or disagree with the video but to take you on a little journey from my past history to maybe give you a new perspective - or just to get out my rambling side a little, because you know what happens to those who keep it all inside. A few years ago I met a handsome guy, who had the cheeky smile, and insulting humour that I love so much. I of course fell for him harder than I had before, and I proceeded to spend every day with him, and if I wasn't there I was telling my friends how amazing he was. As Beyonce said so well - I was drunk in love. So all was well, until I started to spend most of my nights with him, 3-4 nights a week I would stay around until eventually I never left. After coming home from work I would find random items around the flat such as earrings in the sofa and lipstick on the mugs. Of course the explanation was that it was his sister/mother/grandmother, how could I have been so silly. After around 6 months of living with him, the signs of female visitors in the flat had tripled, until one night I stumbled home, tired from work and found him sticking a load of washing in. Now, this guy had not lifted one finger if he couldn't help it in the entire relationship so of course that was my first clue. The second was a little more obvious - a full orange silhouette of fake tan, in the shape of a female (Tanned nipple marks and all) were on the white duvet. I was heart broken, and completely devastated. Of course looking back, it was completely obvious, but at a young age, and a naive temperament it was the biggest shock of all. Now there was no way of him passing off those nipple potato prints were his family, and no way he could say it was me (I have stayed away from fake tan since the tragic oompa loompa incident of 2005). My head was full of emotions but my heart wouldn't let me walk away. I picked up the duvet and passed it to him to wash, and I never spoke of that day again. For months following I would watch him walk out of the flat to meet various "family members" and it would be as if he took my heart carelessly in his pocket whilst my trust shattered into pieces on the floor as the door slammed shut. I would silently remove the lipstick stains from the mugs, carefully put aside any jewellery I found, and calmly ignored the girls I noticed wearing his jumpers around the town. It was as if I was dead to the situation. The pure idea of him cheating on me, was nothing in comparison to the thought of him being out of my life. That was until one day the anger and pure torture I put myself through daily just to be with him, out weighed the good and I burst. Confronting him to what he had done, and had been doing. To this day, something he said stuck with me. "You knew this about me from the start". It was true - he had descried himself as a bad boy, and who doesn't love one of them? I knew he hadn't settled down with anyone for a long time yet I took no notice. It made me cast my mind to all of the women out there who ignored the bad signs, the dodgy looks, and advice from friends just to experience the happy sides. Now a while after walking away from what seemed like the worst situation, I was in the middle of cutting someone's hair when my phone started to vibrate. My old friend with benefits from when I was much younger had sent me a message, letting me know that he wanted to see me and he was going to pick me up after I had finished. One car journey and a couple of drinks later I found myself "doing the no pants dance" with him. The first human contact since my break up, I felt empowered and amazing. He had recently broken up with his girlfriend and the first person he wanted to see was me. I was impressed, and I decided to live out my life once more. 10 minutes in, and some awkward kissing later, it was his turn to answer his phone. One hand around my back and one on his phone; he sat and listened to the caller. Of course I was amused and childishly annoyed him while he was listening until these few words fell out of his mouth. "Of course we can get back together, of course a break was a stupid. I love you too". Now it was fair to say that my jaw hit the ground faster than the speed of light, and my mind couldn't wrap around what had just happened. Had I just become the side chick? The girls that I spent almost a year despising and wishing never existed? To put it short - Yes. Yes I did. After he put down the phone, he turned to me and smiled. "Where were we?". Now, to put it nicely - a few stern words, and a few items thrown later, he was driving me home in silence. Until he let me know a wonderful fact. Whilst we were together, he was still with his girlfriend. Now, I couldn't get my mind around the fact that I was the side chick. The relationship ruiner, and the most hated girls in history. I had never been that kind to do so, but as it turned out. I unknowingly was, and had been tricked into thinking that I was special. Now, what was the point of my tales of past you ask? Well, the reason that so much controversy has been caused over this video, is that Trisha was the side chick, and she was calling out Roger as being a cheater. Now some comments asked "Why would she bother ruining his life like this?" or even "She's the side chick - she deserves it". My opinion on this? Who the hell cares! Now i'm not here to defend Trisha, but having been in both situations, I know how hard it can be; whether you are the doting partner, or the unknowing side chick. You're both caught in a web of lies, that's easy to fall into but hard as hell to escape. Looking back, I feel just as sorry for the girls I was cheated on with. They were caught in the same web as me, left feeling empty and used, but just as in love as I was, with the guy who lied better than he could walk. From either side, be honest. Who is the one person in this situation that did wrong? Who was it that lied? The cheater of course. Whether they are male of female, they lied until their mouth was sore, making sure their partner stayed right where they wanted them, and their side chick right behind them waiting for any second that they could spend together. They wasted your precious time, when it could be spent with someone who worships everything you are and everything you have. Flaws and all. So right now I want you to raise your hand in the air. Yes you. Whether you are in the middle of a work meeting, pretending you are working; in a coffee shop sipping your pumpkin spiced whatever, or even meeting your partner's parents for the first time. Raise your hand up in the air and stick up your middle finger to all the cheaters out there. Those too stupid to see what was right in front of them. To all of those who lied to keep you by their side. To all of those false promises that never came true. To every night you lost sleep wandering where they were. And most of all, to all of those cheaters that never appreciated the beauty that is you. Now doesn't that feel better? You may now go about your life, and I give you full permission to blame me for any shocked co-workers or parents.
48 Comments
11/5/2015 04:27:30 pm
Exactly! I just wanted to let the world know that you can come out the other side.
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Wow! You are a strong lady! I saw the trishas video as I'm subscribed to her on youtube. I did feel sorry for her but at the same time I felt she should have told the girlfriend before making the video and also I think she should try and date guys her own age. She may be famous for being a troll but it was a genuine video on her part I think. I love her but she doesn't half get herself in some situations I.E seaworld ect x
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11/5/2015 07:14:35 am
I completely agree with you on that one! I do feel sorry for her, and I don't think the best thing to do was broadcast and hurting his partner in the process but he had everything coming to him. It is a matter of finding someone you trust and someone that's compatible
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11/5/2015 07:15:09 am
God some people are such arseholes. Can't believe you had to go through those experiences!! Hope you're much happier now and have moved on from those jerks.
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11/5/2015 04:28:21 pm
Thank you so much and I have now. I've found my prince, but as they say. You have to kiss alot of frogs. I guess these were the worst of the amphibians
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I can't imagine how it feels to be the side chick and not know it until you've invested so much in the relationship! I've been cheated on though and knew about it after we broke up m but I don't know what's worse either way you feel like a naive douche when really it's the idiot whose made you feel that way that's the real douche bag! I've not seen the Trisha video but I may go and have a watch. I hope you are in a much happier place now and there's no more scumbags in your life! X
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11/5/2015 04:29:23 pm
Aw I'm sorry to hear that! Being cheated on is the worst thing, and even worse? You blame yourself! I am indeed, i've found my guy but it's just a rocky road until you get there!
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11/5/2015 10:10:25 pm
my friend was recently so hurt by her hubby who had a side chick, she totally didnt deserve to be treated that way
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11/6/2015 09:01:26 am
Oh gosh I am so sorry to hear about that! No one deserves to be treated that way at all, no matter what situation you're in! At least she has a friend like you to stand by her!
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Imogen
11/5/2015 10:57:21 pm
That sucks, I'm sorry! Why do people even cheat?!
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11/6/2015 09:02:20 am
I think that's a question i'll never know the answer to! But at least we all can know one thing! Cheaters at the worst, and not worth anyones time!
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11/6/2015 12:27:00 am
Not heard of the term side chick before, but now I do. I hate cheaters x
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11/6/2015 09:03:14 am
I hadn't either before watching the video, but I know one thing for sure. I don't want to be one ever again!
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Hannah Wood
11/6/2015 01:24:11 am
I had to keep reading this post not a clue what a side chick was at all.
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11/6/2015 09:04:03 am
Well i'm glad you stuck it through to find out! Thanks for popping by!
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11/6/2015 09:04:44 am
Indeed I am! No one deserves to be betrayed no matter the circumstances!
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11/6/2015 05:36:43 am
I have never heard of this term before, but it sounds like a really tough situation to be in.
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11/6/2015 09:05:34 am
It's such a terrible situation to be in, no matter what side you're on! Although it's worth kissing a few frogs to find your prince!
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11/6/2015 09:06:31 am
It's awful isn't it! Some people just can't realise what they have in front of them!
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11/6/2015 06:32:17 am
I am truly sorry for what you went through but I love your writing style! I actually laughed a couple of times reading this (then instantly felt bad as it's not a laughing matter). You've gained a fan for what it's worth.
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11/6/2015 09:07:43 am
Well thank you very much! No, laugh away! When you think back you tend to laugh at what an idiot you were, at least I can share the giggles with others! Well welcome to the family! I hope to see you again soon! :)
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11/6/2015 06:48:36 am
Great post. I know a few friends that have been caught in the web with a guy who lied to them about being single, and then getting so emotionally attached that by the truth comes out they don't know what to do. I was cheated on by a man (a boy I should say) I was meant to be marrying by a girl I worked with. Best thing that ever happened to me though, because that divorce would have cost me a lot of money ;)
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11/6/2015 09:10:36 am
Oh gosh i'm so sorry to hear everything that has happened to you! You've been super unlucky! But hey always looking on the bright side! :) No one deserves to be treated like that at all - and they clearly don't deserve your time!
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11/6/2015 10:33:02 am
Thank you for being so honest with us. I've been cheated and it's bloody awful . Men, woman and everyone in between can be so selfish and mean at times. You are defo well rid of him!!
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11/8/2015 12:45:14 pm
Thank you so much! Well if my honesty can help someone out there not feel so alone then I have done my job! :)
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11/6/2015 12:57:33 pm
Sometimes I just want to shout at people are you an idiot! I don't get the mindset of cheats - to me it makes no sense. x
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11/8/2015 12:45:52 pm
I feel the complete and utter same. It's just not right and not fair!
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11/8/2015 12:46:35 pm
Karma always comes around in the end! Thanks for popping by!
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11/6/2015 01:22:04 pm
I have never heard of this expression - some men just cheat. No matter how much they love their 'partner' they just cheat. Kaz x
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11/8/2015 12:47:23 pm
I think some people are just never happy with what they have, even when it is perfect for them! It's sad really isn't it?
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11/6/2015 02:05:28 pm
I will never understand how anyone can do this to someone! Such a horrible thing to go through but at least now you're stronger for going through it and got to write an awesome post about it!
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11/8/2015 12:48:11 pm
Well thank you very much! I guess it was all worth it in the end!
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11/6/2015 05:08:57 pm
Cheaters never change, and it sounds like you had a lucky escape from a pair of charmers. You're not a side chick, you didn't know about the other person, when you did you got out, integrity totally intact.
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11/8/2015 12:49:01 pm
Thank you so much - it can make you doubt yourself going through these things but it truly helps when you're supported like great people like you!
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Jemma Andrew-Adiamah
11/6/2015 10:27:25 pm
Well you learn something new everyday. I had never heard of the term side chick until now.
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11/8/2015 12:49:34 pm
Facts of the day from thebroughblog! Aha! Thanks for stopping by!
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11/8/2015 12:50:20 pm
Oh gosh! Well I hope he gets out of it before it's too late! It would be awful for someone so close to you to get hurt!
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11/8/2015 10:27:56 am
I can't believe what arseholes those two men were, how dare they think it is acceptable to cheat on their girlfriend. Men like this disgust me, in fact they are not men but little boys who will end up very lonely if they keep up with their behavior. Hang in there hun.
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11/8/2015 12:51:22 pm
Thank you so much! I think I have had a string of bad luck until now, but's all about becoming the person you are today - and I guess that means putting up with a few bad eggs and getting the hell out of there!
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11/8/2015 12:55:44 pm
Thank you and it's fair to say he was! Thanks for popping by!
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11/8/2015 04:47:32 pm
Some men are such douchebags, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I've been cheated on more than once, one time through a whole 2 year relationship and I only found out after the breakup. I'd be divested if I found out I was a side chick, not sure how I'd handle that.
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11/9/2015 12:42:41 pm
Side Chick is a new phrase to me. That said, I've witnessed it happen many a time. Your blog post had me gripped. I was quite surprised you stayed with the guy following the fake tan incident. As for the friend with benefits, wow. Just unreal.
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