It’s okay to spend more time in your pyjamas than everyday clothes.
It’s okay to eat that extra slice of pizza and then nibble at the box
It’s okay to have fat and not like exercising enough to do anything about it
It’s okay to attempt running once and then give up because “Anyone who enjoys it is insane”
It’s okay to skip breakfast and eat a huge lunch to make up for it
It’s okay to wear last nights makeup to pop to the shops in the morning
It’s okay to shout for no reason at something that wouldn’t normally annoy you
It’s okay to spend 45 minutes on the toilet playing that app on your phone you deny you play
It’s okay to tell your friends that you are busy, when in fact you are binge watching Netflix
It’s okay to complain that you are bored and yet do nothing to change it
It’s okay to fancy that person who does not know you exist (Damn it Johnny Depp i’m here)
It’s okay to peep at your neighbours through your curtains and then hide when they spot you
It’s okay to cry at that film everyone said you would and then deny it
It’s okay to sleep in until twelve, and then deny that fact to any busy bee who had been up since 6
It’s okay to have aims, but not bother to do anything about it
It’s okay to spend all of your money within the first week and not have anything to show for it
It’s okay to laugh so loud that your voice sounds like a wicked witch
It’s okay to tut at someone's bad manners, but then pretend that it is someone else when spotted
It's okay to only choose the great things in your life to tell that person you have not seen in months who asks how is life?
It’s okay, because this is life. These are all things we do, and let’s admit it. We enjoy it. So next time you are in your underwear, binge watching crappy TV shows, cancelling your plans because you are “busy” and watching your neighbours attempt to re-paint their house just remember. Some people are sat in traffic, in the boiling heat, listening to a song they hate on the radio who sell socks on a bridge for a living. So is what you're doing really so bad?
Nope? Then stick another episode on and pass me the crisps!
Picture this -
You're sat on your sofa, grinning at your phone as your text messages come through from that person you have been talking to for around a month. You have spent hours imagining what it would be like to meet and go on a first date. They pop open the champagne with the most pre planned romantic date that reminds you of the black and white movies you secretly watch on T.V. They aren't even fazed by the fact that you are wearing a ballgown to a restaurant, in fact, they have bought you a tiara to match.
You spend the night dancing, and drinking, but you never get drunk enough to make a fool of yourself and they are the most perfectly well behaved date you have ever had and you are nothing but a classy date yourself.
Back in real life, you are sat in your pyjamas for the second day in a row, surprised that you even put on underwear that day, binge watching Netflix texting this mysterious person that your friends are convinced is in fact your mum texting you for groceries, and your mum believe that they are an axe murderer. I mean, of course they aren't an axe murderer. You did the wise thing and jokingly asked! Duh!
Everything is going great until something pops up.
Oh my god it's happening! The date I have been dreaming of... OH MY GOD IT'S HAPPENING! WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?!?!
Suddenly, all the wonderful images you have had are replaced with the thought of - What if they are horrible? What if they eat with their mouth open? What if they take me somewhere dreadful? What if they think i'm ugly/fat/stupid? OH MY GOD MUM WAS RIGHT, I BET THEY ARE AN AXE MURDERER!
Of course, you can't say no! That one question doesn't change how lovely they have been since you first started talking, but now you're terrified. They want to take you out tonight but you have no idea where so first horror. What the hell are you going to wear?!
You can't wear something too fancy because what if they take you to McDonalds?! I guess the ball gown is out of the question. But what if they take you somewhere fancy? Then you'll stick out like a sore thumb. Clothes flying everywhere, until your wardrobe is now your floor, and you're sat in your wardrobe with a bottle of whiskey, frantically texting your friends through your tears, and screaming "How dare they have a life and not reply when I need them?".
A few glasses of dutch courage later, you have found a wonderful mix of fancy and casual. Job done. Then it's to your face and hair. Stumbling over the heels and jumpers that are cascading over your carpet, and stomping on the upturned plug you had lurking underneath you reach the mirror.
Oh my god, the mirror. Well, obviously it's broken, either that or it's going to take a miracle to get rid of that face in ... *glances at the clock* TEN MINUTES. Suddenly, there is powder and hairspray fogging the air, until your eyes are watering and you're squinting to see through to the mirror. There are spots appearing as you watch, and your hair has decided that today it's wants to be a stubborn afro with no intention of doing what you want.
Once you're done, you're staring at yourself in the mirror, and glancing as the clock. With every second that goes by, your stomach becomes more and more like there is a mexican party, where the man with the trombone is spinning around and hitting the sides, until there is a knock at the door.
Once you have gagged, and tied your mother up into the cupboard, and given strict instructions to the neighbour to release her once you are at least a mile away to save any embarrassment, you shakily answer the door.
Now this can only go one of two ways. The love of your life could appear at the door holding a ball gown, chocolate and a tiara made of blood diamonds, or just an average Joe could be slumped over your doorstep, picking his nose and wiping it on your new curtains. However your reaction is the same thing every time. The nervous hello whilst doing a laugh for no reason that sounds more like you are plotting to kill him rather than go on a wonderful date. Then the next dilemma, WHAT THE HELL NOW? Hug? No hug? Shake their hand? No that's too formal... Wave? Well that was a stupid idea. So you settle for standing awkwardly, and hoping that they will lead you in the right direction.
Now, for the rest of the date, no matter where you go, you always spend the entire time questioning everything that is happening and nervously laughing. Awkward silences you could always combat in a day to day life become the hardest things to stop on a date, and unless you fill them nervous laughter, you both sit there hoping you think of something to say. If you go for something to eat, you're the most self conscious you have ever been. At home you would put the burger in your mouth hole quicker and messier than your little niece can trash your room, but on a date you try to cut it apart with a knife and fork and give up when it comes to trying to eat something you know you are going to spill down you.
Trying to say your opinion on a date becomes a landmine, as you don't want to tell them that you are in love with cats, and hope one day to own an entire cattery one day so you can roll around with them and eat cat food before you notice that he has I HATE CATS tattooed across his knuckles. You accidentally mentioned a story that involved your ex, and when they asked who you did that with you end up blurting out a name of someone you have never met before and thinking why on earth did I choose Donald Bacon? A mixture between a duck and Kevin Bacon was of course a logical choice.
Now once the date is over and it is time to say goodbye you have the worst problem of the night. Kiss or no kiss? If one of you commits to it, and the other one doesn't then it's going to be too awkward for you to handle, and your body will just combust into the colour of red and the ashes of your remains will blow away into the nights sky. Then you start to think, what if he is a terrible kisser? Then you're going to have to wash your mouth out with bleach, then OMG why did I eat that garlic bread?!
It turns out, he doesn't kiss you, but you hug awkwardly, trying not to embrace too hard that he turns into a diamond, but you end up patting him on the back to try and find his release button when he won't let go.
You awkwardly back into your house, and collapse onto your bed alone. Wip off your bra, plonk on the TV and cry into your pillow at how embarrassing you must have been. How could you have said that you thought he looked like Nigel Thornberry? How could you have then done the impression which made you sound like a mixture between Pat Butcher and Yoda? After all of that, how could have ended it with the statement "Don't worry, it's sexy!".
Sobbing into your phone, you curl up in front of Netflix, stuffing your face with sweets and that questionable sandwich you left the other night and you think. Was it really worth it all? Then..
And you think - "Oh sod it, I've got nothing better to do".
And that is how dating starts... Doesn't sound great, but hey! It's a reason to put pants on and eat free food right?
Last night I decided to reunite myself with the drunken idiots that you find in clubs on a saturday night, and venture out with friends for a "Night out on the town" and it made me realise...How much I hate being in town! It's loud, hot and everyone is dressed like slutty hippos. Well, probably not hippos but you get my message.
I spent the entire night wishing that I was on my sofa, cuddled up under a duvet, being reunited with my one true love. Netflix.
So if you are anything like me, and thinking that you are too old, or too lazy to be out on a saturday night, I thought I would let you know my Netflix favourites to cuddle up and watch.
Now, this has to be one of the funniest shows I have watched since getting Netflix. It may look like a cartoon but it has the most adult humour, and amazing characters.
Sterling Archer is an ISIS agent, and along with his colleagues Lana and more, they deal with all the terrorists/killers/pirates you can think of.
There are around 6 series, so you have plenty to watch, and with each series it simply gets better.
Your vocabulary will grow with the words phrasing and sploosh, and you will be hooked from every episode.
Love Fairy Tales? Love Disney? Love suspense, humour and being hooked to a show? Then this is a must have. They take all of the fairy tales you have grown up listening to, and gives them a massive twist. There is suspense all of the way through, and me and Geran often spend all night watching this, and gasping at the plot development and the characters changing.
Don't be fooled, this is definantly for the adult who loves the innocence of the fairy tales being turned into a dark story that will leave you thinking about it all night.
If you are feeling something a little more dated, then this period drama is for you. Even if you aren't...Just watch it! This is my favourite period drama (Yes, even beating pride and prejudice) and it holds a large part in my heart since the day I watched it.
This is a four part BBC drama, so it will last you around 4 hours which is definantly worth the time. It takes you back to the cotton mills, with riots in mill workers, and forbidden romance. What more would you want?
Andy Samberg, Andy Samberg, Andy Samberg. Yes I know that my love for this guy is not enough to convince you to watch but it's enough for me! The second I had seen that he was a lead in a show, I jumped right up to my TV, and then stood back and sat down with the remote... I was not let down. I have been watching this since the days of FreeView and I didn't even know about Netflix; and it is still going strong!
This is so damn funny, and the cast is just perfect. You cannot watch this and not laugh ridiculously loud at the television and scaring your neighbours!
You all knew this was coming, so I thought I would save this until last. If you have not heard of the Orange is the new black you must be living under a rock like a troll under a bridge. This is the most amazing show, and I am completely hooked. The new series is out, and I screamed when I noticed the release date in Netflix.
I will warn you that it contains lots of nudity, so it is not for the young, but if you are old enough, and have an open mind, give it a try! You won't regret it!
So, when you are telling your friends that you can't come out for drinks because you are "working" or "ill" or "skint". Grab some snacks, jump into your pyjamas and take a look at these beauties. Heed my warning though, you won't be leaving your sofa in a long time so bring... more snacks!