Our feet dangled over the crashing waters below, our fingers entwined as if to hold onto the moment so tightly. As we cast our eyes over the blue waters ahead, my mind cleared and held nothing but thoughts of you. The night before my birthday had never felt so special and important, and neither had I. To feel so valued, and loved in one moment that it almost takes your breathe away is never something to take for granted so I held onto the emotion for as long as I could.
Your blue eyes bore into mine as if trying to tell me something that I couldn't quite grasp. You wouldn't let me thank you for all that you had done that night, nor would you accept any compliment that I gave. You brushed them off as if it was your duty to make me feel such a way, and you were simply doing your job. I couldn't fathom how unaware you were, that I held you so deeply in my heart. It yearned to know if the feeling was returned, yet no matter how many times you showed your affection, my heart couldn't quite believe that it was love. It couldn't trust you.
I breathed in the nights sky above us, and allowed the salty air to fill my lungs. Would I ever trust you again? It was something that I couldn't answer. Something that only time would tell. Yet I feared the answer so much that it caused my body to ache. My heels locked into the aged blue railings that encased us, which felt as secure as I did in that moment.
I wanted to believe you. To believe in all that you said. In all that we were. To be lost in the world in which we created. Where we would be in our home together, matching pyjamas, eating mexican food that I didn't have to cook, watching TV shows that we loved equally. A simplistic image which caused my heart to skip. As much as the moment was perfect, I was playing a role that I never thought that I would. I wasn't all that occupied your mind and heart, like you did in mine. I shared the space with another.
False promises were common communication between us. I had waited for what felt like a lifetime for the happy ending which you promised, and in that moment. On the seafront, under the stars, the night before my birthday. I felt like it had arrived at last.
I felt vulnerable under your cool gaze, as if you could see into my soul but now I believe that you never did. If you had, you would have known how much pain I was in to be by your side. How much it hurt when you promised and failed, when you lied, when you cheated. Your confidence grew, but mine felt crushed. In your arms I felt safe, warm and protected. Without them I realised how truly seperate we were. I felt alone.
You told me after that night that you were ready to ask me a question. If you had asked. I would have said yes.
I asked myself in that moment, whether it was worth it. Whether my unhappiness, just like our ending, was inevitable. That doubt drifted around my mind often during our time together, and I think in a way. I always knew that it would end in tears. Mine, and not yours. That thought however, would dissapear as soon as you squeezed my hand. As soon as you showed that you loved me in the smallest of ways, all of my thoughts would cloud and my walls would drop.
I loved you will all of my heart, and in that moment. I was the happiest that I had been in such a long time. No responsibilities, no heartache, no memories of those lost. No more struggling to get through each day alone. I wanted to thank you for that moment. I wanted to bottle it. I wanted my heart to feel as free as it did when I was with you on that balcony.
I believed in you more than anyone truly should. I loved you more than I thought was physically possible. I would have done anything to keep us as we were that night. To never leave. To stay as in love as we were on that balcony under the stars.